The Lords of Salem (2013)

Directed by:
Rob Zombie

Written by:
Rob Zombie

Main Cast:
Sheri Moon Zombie, Bruce Davison, Judy Geeson, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Patricia Quinn, Dee Wallace, Ken Foree, and Meg Foster

The Plot:
When hip radio personality Heidi (Moon Zombie) receives an anonymous record in the mail, addressed from "The Lords", she assumes it is a local rock band attempting to network their music. While broadcasting it on the air, the record starts to play backwards, and Heidi immediately has a disturbed, visceral reaction to the portentous sounds emanating from it. After this event, combined with increased attention from her suspicious landlady (Geeson), it begins to dawn on Heidi that something evil might be heading to her homestead of Salem, MA.

The Review:
In my estimation, Rob Zombie has proven twice that he has the ability to be a potent horror director. House of 1000 Corpses is not without its grungy charms, and its sequel, The Devil's Rejects, is easily his masterpiece. His two entries in the Halloween franchise were ultimately unsuccessful (there is no legitimate reason why they tried in the first place), but Zombie managed to add some curious touches to the Michael Myers mythology that were quite fascinating on their own terms.

When the announcement was made that not only would Zombie's next outing as a filmmaker feature a coven of old-school witches inflicting their magic on a modern-day Salem, but that he would also have complete artistic control, my mind was pulled in two different directions. The premise sounds killer, even if a tad similar to Hocus Pocus. However, in relation to this particular filmmaker, the term "creative control" raises a few concerns. Yes, his two most recent films didn't work, but who knows what influence Dimension Films had on the finished product. And after all, his first two outings were clearly the work of a talent who had only begun to prove his capabilities.

The result is a letdown, to say the very least. I will say that the cinematography and score are outstanding. These two elements, in tandem with a more languid pace than Zombie has displayed in the past, create a mood closely reminiscent of Argento and Polanski, as opposed to the spastic, grindhouse vibe that infused his first two films. It should also be noted Meg Foster's performance as Margaret Morgan, the witch who instigates the events of the plot, is the stuff of legend. Foster is so deeply immersed in the sheer insanity of her character, she haunts over the proceedings and makes the film worth watching all by herself.

Unfortunately, that is where the good points end. In preparation for the film, Zombie scouted locations all throughout the town, hoping to capture the immeasurable character of Salem. But his work appears to have been all for naught, as exterior shots are inexplicably kept to a minimum. And even when they are used, the scenery has been rendered completely nondescript. The story itself begins to spin its wheels once the main threat as been established, but very little momentum is built on our way to a climax. There is very little cohesion from one tepid scare to the next. Veteran actor Bruce Davison has a possibly interesting role as a Salem witch historian who means to help Heidi, but very little is done to develop him, and he exits the film before having made a single impact on where the story goes.

But my biggest problem with the movie is that, around or even before the halfway point, our protagonist stops being a character. Sheri Moon Zombie does some of her most understated work to  date, but it's not interesting to follow a character who completely shuts down and does nothing to save herself from a terrible fate. When there is no conflict, and when our heroine has lost her autonomy, there is no drama. And as for the now-infamous concluding 10 minutes, suffice it to say that the plot evaporates, leaving only an assembly line of nonsensical images, all but obliterating the few elements that had made the film engaging up to that point.

*1/2 out of ****